Reminder Through Tough Love

A new year and a new life. The last time I blogged was in June. Since then, I've taken a new job, moved (twice) and gotten married...not necessarily listed in chronological order or order of importance.

I actually thought I had given up on the blog. But I remembered one of the reasons that I started writing it in the first place--providing me a release and a platform in which to vent, share my thoughts, and most importantly, hold myself accountable for my Christianity.

There are many excuses I can make about why I stopped and maybe they would be valid, but restarting this blog isn't about why I stopped. It's about why I need to be writing it.

For six or so months, this little site gave me the avenue and a reminder each day to dig into my Bible and share with whoever wanted to read what I was reading and what I was feeling. My life changed dramatically and at the time I thought I wouldn't need to blog any more, but the fact is, moving and getting married is a HUGE adjustment and the routine that was working for me, reading the Bible and praying before I went to bed was broken. Believe me, it's no fault of my wife. It's my fault for not adjusting. Instead of finding a new time to study and to pray, I gave it up altogether. And what kind of Christian does that?

It's odd, though. When I lived in Erie, I rarely attended church. Partly because of work and partly because I couldn't find a place where I was comfortable. Instead, I made up for it by reading and listening to sermons on the Internet, playing my guitar an singing songs. Now, I'm attending church three times a week sometimes but in many ways I've never been more separated from Jesus. I've become a lazy Christian. I forget to pray. I never open my Bible except for at church.

The sad part is, I never would have come to this realization unless God had smacked me upside the head recently. For those of you who do not believe in free will, well, this explanation won't make much sense to you. But I've always known that God doesn't inflict punishment on us, He merely pulls His hand of protection away. Without His hand, we are open to all the shots that Satan has for us. Think of it as a boxer. Without him keeping his hands up to block the blows of his opponents, he's going to be KO'd in the first round!

God knows where we are vulnerable. For me, it's my health. I've always been wary of it and probably a bit of a wuss when you get right down to it. I don't want it to sound like God make me sick, but I've been sick for about three weeks now and just when I feel like I'm never going to get better I realize that I'm not trusting in or relying on God and that I've not put any effort into my relationship with him. I was sulking and getting worse every time I thought about how much more sick I could get. Like I said, God didn't make me sick, but He certainly knows when I've reached the end of my rope and when to speak to me.

Realizing this doesn't mean God is going to heal me right now, nor should I expect Him to. I don't deserve a pat on the back for figuring it out. In fact, I'm ashamed I ever let it get to this point. The point here is two-fold: Laziness as a Christian--or in anything in life--is not an option, and God will always give us a way to draw closer to Him. Sometimes it can be in our worst moments, but sometimes that's the only time we'll allow His voice to reach our deaf ears.

It's amazing how I can see myself in many of the Bible's famous stories. The Israelites, seemingly hundreds of times, turned away only to go crawling back to God when times get rough and there He is, welcoming them into His arms. Samson, even after he gave away his secret, God gave him strength one last time when he needed it. Peter, so many times, being brash, losing his faith and even denying Jesus, was still given the Holy Spirit and became one of the greatest teachers of the Word.

God is forgiving. But God is our Father, and sometimes his children need some tough love. I've gotten that and I praise Him for it.

I'll be back tomorrow. Count on it.