Smashing Pride Like the Bug that it is

It’s really odd how some things come to fruition. I never thought I’d be a blogger. After taking a undergrad and then grad classes about how bloggers are changing our media and making nothing untouchable, I thought to myself, “Typing up your thoughts and trying to become important…that’s what the world needs more of.”

I recently moved to Erie and since I’ve been here I’ve been “looking” for a new church. I say “looking” because it hasn’t been that much of a search. I’ve been to a few services here and there but I’ve missed a majority of Sundays because of poor excuses. For some reason, I hesitated to find a new church. The reasons? Excuses and lots of them.

My schedule is too hectic on Sundays and I won’t be able to get to work in time…the church is too big…there aren't any that match my beliefs.

Wow, I could have sold myself the Brooklyn Bridge. During this half-hearted attempt to find a church, I lapsed into this uneventful routine of boredom, accompanied by mostly television and work. I make an attempt to stay healthy by taking a walk every night, but really, who am I kidding? I’m 24, a former athlete, and I’m walking? I should be pounding the treadmill, working up a sweat and pumping iron. It’s like I took a leap from jock to senior citizen in a few weeks. It’s just another half-hearted attempt at something.

So why all of this lackadaisical effort? Because it’s what I’ve done my entire life. I shunned off anything that was too hard by doing just enough to get by and convinced myself it was the right thing to do. It’s been that way in just about everything. I didn't want to accept help in any form, from any body or show weakness of any kid.

OK. You might be asking how I figured myself out. Here’s how. I saw a flyer on the wall of the union advertising a praise and worship night inside the union. “Perfect,” I thought. This was right up my ally. I love playing guitar and singing. I’ve been copping out of going to big churches because I wanted to be a part of a small group, feel connected, feel important, feel like I’m contributing. Here’s my chance. I was going to go. Buuuuut…I was working late…Didn’t really feel social…Thought I might be out of place…

I didn’t go. More excuses. But after I got home, I felt worse that I didn't go. I went on my customary walk and strolled down by the campus, peaked in the union window and saw about 15 people singing, lifting their hands to God. Talk about a kick in the gut. On my lap back around, they were wrapping things up. I saw people hugging, joking, laughing. And here I was by myself on a walk because it wasn’t the easy thing to do.

The easy thing to do. When is the easy thing to do every really the right thing to do. The first thought was that I’m lazy. But my second thought was even worse. I have too much pride. Way too much pride. Too much pride to admit I was out of shape and didn’t need to exercise and too much pride to admit that being on my own is not the way to go. Pride is a dangerous thing for a person and even more dangerous for a Christian. It pulled me away from God. I didn’t want to be a stranger. I didn’t want to feel like I need a place to worship. I wanted to feel stronger and more self-sufficient than I really was. That pride put a rift between me and my Savior and He made me realize that it was time to close the gap…get rid of my pride.

The big question now is getting rid of the pride. That’s part of the reason I’m now here on the world wide web. At the end of each day I felt no smarter, no happier and no closer to God than I had been the day before. Definitely the wrong way to live a life. Especially a life that God has blessed so plentifully and that still has so much promise. I could be doing so much for God and His church. So with this blog, I’m hoping to add an element of transparency to my life. With this on paper, people will know where I stand with God and hopefully will hold me accountable. It’s so easy to stray (and become prideful) when there is no accountability. I’m also hoping that it will allow me to organize thoughts, dig into the Word, understand how I can apply the Word to my life.

There’s no more hiding. No more being the good Christian in my mind. It’s time for the old cliché…walk the walk. There’s been a passage that continues to pop up in my reading lately. It’s Acts 4:31. “And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and they spoke the word of God with boldness.” Speaking the word of God in a time and place where it was punishable by death. And not only speaking it, but speaking with BOLDNESS.

You think those folks ever said to themselves, “Eh, I don’t really feel like worshipping God and fellowshipping with believers tonight”?

Me neither.